When it comes to children, you are their role model. Parents are their first teachers. It is important to let them know how to deal with various situations as they age. Appropriate responses lead to positive outcomes. Never is this more important than dealing with defiant children. Model appropriate behavior. It will make things easier on you and on your children.
What Makes Defiant Children Different
Defiant children may suffer from a condition called ODD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder. This is more complex than just being stubborn. These children are disagreeable in the extreme and the behaviors occur almost daily. Parents often feel responsible or guilty for their children’s behavior anyway, so this just makes the situation that much more intense. The children may break the rules, talk disrespectfully, and repeat annoying behaviors on a regular basis. Traditional types of discipline only fuel the children’s anger and irritability. Parents often find themselves on a perpetual search for new ways of handling the situation.
Practice what you preach.
To help the children and family, professionals, who specialize in behavioral disorders, can offer effective methods to help parents problem-solve, decrease negativity, manage anger, and increase social skills. There are also family sessions to discuss how the issues affect each household member.
In addition, parents can make things better by modeling the behaviors they want their children to emulate. Defiant children have a problem dealing with their emotions. Looking at their parents examples can assist them in making the best choices.
Practice Handling Adult Conflicts
During the day, you have many opportunities to practice conflict resolution with the adults around you. If your children hear you yelling at the customer service person when you have an issue, your children won’t think twice about yelling at you and others. Instead of becoming loud or aggressive, learn to communicate with others calmly and quietly. Even if your children aren’t anywhere around, the chances are high that someone’s children are within hearing distance.
Wait Patiently and Quietly
Have you waited in line for a long time because of a slow checkout person? Don’t mutter about them under your breath and then smile at them when you get to the head of the line. Resist giving people dirty looks as well. Waiting is a part of life.
Practice waiting patiently and quietly. You feel better in the end and you set the standard for your children when you model the behavior you expect to see in them. The earlier your children learn and master this skill, the better off they will be. Let’s face it. To be perfectly honest, it also means that you will be embarrassed less often by your children blurting out something they obviously heard you say.
Agree to Disagree
Kids watch you interact with others. When you have a disagreement, don’t yell, stoop to name-calling, or bring up the past. Deal with the situation at hand. Focus on the current issue only and redirect the focus back to the present as needed. Ideally, when people disagree, a compromise is made and each person gives a little.
There are times when a compromise just isn’t possible under the circumstances. In this case, it’s best to set a boundary, agreeing to disagree. This allows you to accept that the other person has a different point of view without agreeing with it.
Accept the Consequences
If you miss a payment, you get a late fee. You are responsible for paying it on time. Don’t make excuses or lay the blame elsewhere. Accept that you made a mistake and do things differently next time so that you don’t make the same mistake again. When you accept the consequences of your actions, your children will begin to understand that they aren’t the only ones who have to take responsibility for what they do, or don’t do, and say.
Use every opportunity to demonstrate positive behavior to your defiant children. It reminds them that they always have choices. The trick is to show them how to weigh the consequences of each and make the best choice.
Like it or not, social media is one of the most popular methods of communication in the era that we live in. No matter what your daughter is doing on social media, it is almost guaranteed that she is on there in some form. It is important for you as a parent to know what is happening on social media so that you can be aware of the benefits and downfalls of it, and can protect your child from the possible dangers.
How Social Media Influences Teenage Girls
Social media is the new way to stay in touch with all that is popular. Whether it is searching for new hairstyles, forwarding memes, or participating in group chats, social media is taking up a lot of time in the lives of adolescent children.
Social media can be used for good, helping your daughter to stay in touch with her friends and distant family members. It can also be used for negative things, such as exposing your daughter to the unpleasant thoughts of others, as well as allowing tragic situations such as online bullying.
What Teenage Girls Are Doing on Social Media
Your daughter is doing many things on social media. It is more than likely she is connecting with friends. With sites such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, it is easy to connect with others so that individuals can share photos, jokes and fitness videos among many other things. Your daughter is probably building networking skills as she meets friends of friends and connects with them on a slightly personal level.
Sending and posting photos is also, of course, a very popular thing to do on social media. There are personal photos shared, humorous photos and pictures of the latest concerts and events your daughter has participated in.
Another thing your daughter is able to do on social media is to research her interests. From fashion to pop culture to music, your teen can find it all online. Her and her friends will likely post, share, and send links to each other about whatever is popular at the moment. The internet and social media in particular is amazing in the opportunities it provides for research in any area one is interested in.
How to Prepare Your Daughter to Use Social Media Responsibly
Social media is a great opportunity, but it can also be dangerous. There are several steps your daughter should take before she joins any social media sites, or views anyone else’s.
First, talk with your daughter about where she is at. Is she able to participate in public, online conversations without getting too involved? Does she know the dangers of keeping important and personal information private? Is she dedicated to not only avoid bullying situations, but also to stand against them? Is she willing to put time limits on herself, and show responsibility in her use of social media?
Take steps to assist her in becoming accountable in her use of social media. Some suggestions include adding her as a friend or contact on whatever particular medium she is involved in, and letting her know that you will be regularly checking in on her by using a password that is known to both of you.
For teens, social media is going to be around a long time. Although certain social media websites may come and go, this way of keeping in touch will be around awhile. Use this opportunity to help your daughter navigate a new experience which will assist her life skills long term.
Social media has a huge impact on young people today, including young men. Teenage boys are on social media a great deal, even if they tend to do different things than girls do when they are on it. If you are interested in what your teenage boy is doing on social media and how you can help him use it wisely, then keep reading.
How Social Media Influences Teenage Boys
Social media has an influence on most children who use it. Teenage boys are drawn into the fun aspect, and find it easy to bond with others friends who are online, along with the fact that they can easily turn it off when they get bored.
Its influence is shown in how often teenage boys are online, and how much they talk about it when they are not. If you spend any time at all with adolescent boys, you will hear how much they quote and think about what they see online on various social media outlets. Not only do teenage boys enjoy spending time surfing on social media, it also has an influence on their social perspective and opinions.
What Teenage Boys Are Doing on Social Media
Although male teens spend a lot of time on social media, as do their female counterparts, they tend to use it differently. Some of the things you will notice your teenage son using social media for is sending jokes and memes to his friends, and researching interests such as vehicles, sports and sports figures. He will use social media as a way to find more articles on those interests, and will post about these topics himself.
A huge component of social media for boys includes online gaming. In fact, this is one of the biggest social media type outlets that you may notice your son spending time on. Online gaming attracts boys because of its competitive nature, and provides a way for him to connect with his friends through this means. Many young men even meet online friends this way, playing games regularly with the same group of people they come to know as an online presence.
Of course, social media would not be complete without the added attraction of an easy way for boys to meet girls and converse with them, especially during the earlier teen years which can be awkward for both genders.
How to Prepare Your Son to Use Social Media Responsibly
It is very important in this age of easy internet access that you teach your teenage son to act responsibly when online and when using any social media outlet. Without social media etiquette and a sense of personal responsibility, the online world can become a dangerous place.
Give your son rules such as a time limit on his internet and social media use, and conduct careful parental monitoring in regards to whom he is contacting online. Educate him on his personal responsibility not to join in online bullying, and make it clear to him that he can come to you if he is feeling threatened by anyone in any way.
Social media is a huge part of the life of modern teenage boys, and will likely continue to be for quite some time. By learning more about your son’s social media use, you will become a better parent. Steer your son in the right direction, as he participates in what is now a cultural norm and will continue to be for years to come.
Bullying is something that is unfortunately happening far too often in our society. Gone are the days where there were a few bullies per school who picked on kids but were kept in place by teachers and societal norms.
The innovation of modern technology, although it has benefits, has brought along with it some very negative circumstances – one of them being widespread bullying. Here is how you as a parent can help your teen deal with this difficult situation.
Why Do People Bully?
Bullying happens when someone directs their hurt, anger and frustration at another individual. Perhaps the bully feels invisible, and is being ignored or hurt by important people in their lives.
Low self-esteem, difficult home situations, jealousy and intolerant ways of thinking can cause an individual to use bullying as their way to relieve their anger or make themselves feel more important by belittling others. There are as many reasons for bullying as there are bullies.
Why Does Bullying Seem to Be So Common?
Bullying has always been around, but with the creation and popularity of the internet and social media, it has grown out of hand. Instead of teens being able to escape bullying when they leave school or extracurricular activities, their issues follow them everywhere. Online stalking is becoming more common, where bullies will follow and harass their victims and refuse to leave them alone at any time.
Another reason for the amped-up bullying that is taking place can be attributed to more interactions among people, which can lead to attacks on people for what they believe by small-minded individuals.
What Bullying Does to a Child
Being bullied lowers a child’s self-esteem. It causes them to feel insecure, and is a catalyst for depression and anger. Bullying can eventually lead to the victim becoming a bully, in an attempt to take back the power from those who hurt them.
Teens who are bullied begin to find it difficult to trust anyone, and this feeling often lasts into adulthood.
How to Help Your Bullied Child
Teach your child about their rights as an individual. If your child is being discriminated against and made to feel unsafe, the law is on their side. Hate crimes are illegal. Every teen has the right to feel safe and secure, and free from the threat of violence.
If your teen is being bullied, contact the appropriate authorities, whether that is the authorities at school or the police. Train your child in the proper way to deal with bullies, and role play different scenarios to assist your child in finding their voice and means of fighting back.
Monitor your child’s internet use, and ensure that he (or she) is not being threatened or intimidated by others. Above all, teach your teen to trust his intuition. If he is responding to bulling in a proper way, but begins to realize that it is not working, let him know that it is ok to change his course of action partway through an interaction.
If your teen is being bullied, you are his greatest advocate. Use your voice to stand up for your child, and be his safe place to land when he needs someone to talk to. Let your teen know that he is important and worth protecting.
Conflict is difficult to deal with, and it is especially tough in the adolescent years. Your child is already going through many changes in their body and mind. Conflict simply adds another complex layer to a time in life where things may already feel as though they are in an upheaval.
By supporting your child through any conflict they find themselves in, you can be a stabilizing voice in their life. Here is how you can help your teen deal with conflict in a way that will help them to push through the tough times and find their way to a better place in life.
Learning from Mistakes
Always remind your teen that although conflict is laborious, it is a sure way to learn different kinds of lessons. We can all learn from our mistakes. This means we can explore and find a tangible lesson, and then go forward while being able to avoid the same pitfalls in the future.
Using Conflict to Learn about Themselves
When there has been a disagreement, it is a rare opportunity to search inward and learn about oneself. There are many lessons you can find if you are determined to learn them, and this is important for teens to realize.
Maybe your teen will come to the awareness that he (or she) does not fight in a fair manner, or that he holds his feelings in until he bursts in a dramatic way. Or maybe he will find something positive, such as his strength when forced to stand alone on an issue.
Using Conflict to Learn about Others
Conflict is a great way to learn about others. Your teen can learn about what kinds of friends, family and other individuals are in their lives based on how conflicts arise and play out. Teach your teen to decipher whether the other party is still supportive during conflict, or whether they are using it as an opportunity to push your teen down. Is the other party fair and honest, or angry and deceitful? Conflict will reveal all.
Using Conflict as a Springboard to New Opportunities
It is said that unless we grow uncomfortable where we are, we never have the motive necessary to make changes. Conflict can sometimes cause your teen to want to move beyond where they are at the moment.
Maybe being in constant conflict with their boss will push them out of their current workplace and into the job of their dreams. Perhaps conflict experienced with a current boyfriend will prove to your daughter that she deserves better in a partner, and will prompt her to break up and move on.
Be an Emotional Support
During times of conflict, your teen will need your unconditional love and support. Be a strong role model and teacher of how to deal with negative encounters, and most of all let your teen know you will always be there for them.
Spend quality time with your teen and help them get their mind off of their problems. Know when to discuss, and when to suggest taking a mental health break and heading to the mall to grab an ice cream together.
Conflict will be difficult for your child because conflict is difficult for everyone. You will be one of the main guiding supports for your child as they navigate it. Use this opportunity to teach your child about growth, friendship and self-care, and they will keep those lessons for life.